| |
| |
|
Grief & Loss Information |
|
|
|
Grief Support: The Dos
Helpers often ask questions such as: "What should I do? What should I say? Am I doing the right thing? Did I do the wrong thing?" Here are some suggestions for how to best help those in grief. 1) Do give grievers the permission to grieve. You do this by your presence, understanding and acceptance of where they are. 2) Do expect volatile reactions from the bereaved. Those in grief are on an emotional roller coaster. 3) Do be "present" to the bereaved. Give the griever your full attention as they share their loss with you. It is so very meaningful to them and therapeutic as well. 4) Do view the loss from the griever's perspective. Their loss is unique and their pain is their own. You cannot know their loss without viewing it from their perspective. 5) Do maintain an appropriate emotional distance from the griever. Do not make their loss your loss. 6) Do encourage verbalization of feelings and memories of the deceased. Talking about the one who died is therapeutic for those suffering grief. It helps them process their loss and begin to formulate perspective. 7) Do help the bereaved recognize and accept the loss. 8) Do listen non-judgmentally and with acceptance. 9) Do allow the grieved to cry, talk, and review without interruption. 10) Do help the griever with normative data about the grief process. Assure the grieved that they are not "crazy" and that what they are experiencing is all a part of the grief process. 11) Do help the griever with practical responsibilities (grocery shopping, take the children for a couple of hours, drive to the bank, make phone calls, etc.). 12) Do help the griever understand the need to develop a new relationship with the deceased. 13) Do be informed about grief and providing gentle compassionate care. 14) Do be helpful and keep in touch. 15) Do encourage healing. 16) Do encourage counseling if behaviors appear pathological or extreme. 17) Do be aware that weekends, holidays and evenings may be more difficult for the bereaved. 18) Do help the bereaved avoid unrealistic expectations as to how they "should" feel and when they will be better. It is helpful when appropriate to say, "I don't know how you are able to do as well as you are." 19) Do ask griever to accompany you on some outing or engage in some activities with you (at appropriate time of course). 20) Do encourage grievers to participate in support groups. Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.
MORE RESOURCES:
Grief-Loss - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
A Critical Assessment of Euthanasia The question of whether, say, a man should have the right to take away his life granted pain and suffering have overcome him is a very important question today. A different way of putting this question is this: 'Should a man have the right to take away his life if he ceases to function as a human being?' This matter would have been laid to rest had it not been that it strikes at the heart of law, key matters of health, and morality. The Truth About Emotional Intelligence There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. How To Heal Your Heart We all experience severe heart break at some time in our lives. For many it happens in childhood or adolescence, the time when we are most vulnerable. GoodBye GrandMa My dearest Grandma, I will never forget you & sorry that I was not there with you when you passed.Grandma. Who has the Worst Pain During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved people, one of the most frequent questions I have been asked is, "Who has the worst pain?" Do bereaved parents suffer more than widows and widowers? Do children whose parents die feel more agony than children who lose a sibling? Is it harder to watch a loved one suffer for a long time before death releases the victim than it is to answer the doorbell or the phone at midnight and suddenly hear the news of tragedy? Is suicide worse than homicide? Is the death of an "older" child more difficult to grieve than the death of a newborn or infant?If there were one, clear and definitive answer to those questions, grieving could be neatly catalogued and mourners could be organized into convenient categories. Our comforters and caregivers would then be able to select from a predictable menu of helps, and everyone could get "healed" more quickly and efficiently. Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds the mask that brings moisture, oxygen and medicine to her babygirls lungs as she struggles against the slime that threatens to suffocate her. After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When Arlyn died, I knew I would never laugh again. Present Moment Awareness: Lessons From My Dog I've always waited for the perfect moment to be happy: As though time were a flower waiting to bloom. My scruffy puppy-happy senior dog knows better. Euthanasia: How Will I Know When its Time? Pippin needed assistance from his owner to get to his feet. He slowly walked to the door, then needed help once again to step down onto the back porch. Mexico: Death in Mexico Death: No thank you. Dying: Gives me a panic attack. Then and Now Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death and grief were popular subjects for poems, songs and stories. Grieving was considered a natural and acceptable part of the culture. How to Turn Grief into Joy I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy when his spirit left his body. Grief Masks October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me think of masks, and masks remind me that sometimes when we're grieving, we wear masks without even realizing it. We may never stop to think about how other people perceive our appearances, our images and our behaviors. In the Blink of an Eye Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can see the sky." Sally Reed, cancer survivorThirty five years ago this weekend, my father died. You Can Help A Grieving Heart Oh, we can talk about the best cold medications and if cherry cough syrup tastes better to kids than orange. We can recommend preschools and sneakers. Liberation It is one thing to be free; it is quite another to be liberated. Liberation implies that freedom was absent for a time, and there was bondage. Do You Know Someone Whos Dying? Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of society's most unrecognized and under-served groups. As individuals near the end of life they are often ignored, discounted, misunderstood and forgotten. On Empathy The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to imagine oneself in anther's place and understand the other's feelings, desires, ideas, and actions. It is a term coined in the early 20th century, equivalent to the German Einfhlung and modelled on "sympathy. Grief If you have ever lost someone dear to you it is likely that you can still summon up the grief that you may still be carrying deep inside yourself as a result of the loss. If this grief, which is usually felt as a deep saddness, is something that you would like to clear in yourself then you may find some hope here. Dealing With Grief and Loss - How to Mend a Broken Heart What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because, let's face it, it's hard down there, in the land of grieving where all those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.We understand that this is necessary, at a surface level, but how we are feeling is what really counts.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |