| |
| |
|
Inspirational Information |
|
|
|
Mitigating Factors
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 30, 2002 I am writing for advice on a personal dilemma of the most personal nature. I am male, mid-40s, married 20 years. After all these years, I still long to make love to my wife two or three times per week, while she seems to prefer two or three times per year, if ever. Best I can tell, she no longer enjoys making love whatsoever and hasn't for the last 10 years. While all this seems dismal, the problem I am seeking advice on is more a moral issue. First, let me make sure you know that I have been faithful to my wife since the day I met her. I would never consider sex outside my marriage vows. That goes against every moral fiber of my being. Additionally, pornographic materials and gentlemen's clubs go against my beliefs and would only make matters worse. I will say after all these years I do understand why some men succumb to weakness and fall prey to sex outside their marriage. Please do not tell me to have a meaningful conversation with my wife. I tried that and failed miserably. In February 2000, after years of trying to get through to her, I felt I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I long for the intimacy only a married couple can share. She offered no reason, except she is always tired and has too much on her plate. While I acknowledge that she shoulders plenty of responsibility with work and home, she can find the time to walk the dogs or work herself to the bone on something that can wait until tomorrow. I pleaded with her to get whatever physical, medical, emotional or psychological help she might need to get our marriage back on track. I offered to attend any sessions she felt comfortable with me participating in. I offered to do anything in our lovemaking that would make it more enjoyable for her. I told her I would not pressure her into making love, but would wait for her to let me know when she was ready. For four weeks things improved as we made love three times. However, she never sought outside help and began to fall into her old comfortable habits. Over the next 17 months we made love only another six times with most coming at my insistence. I finally gave up keeping track and gave up on her caring enough to change. Short of divorce, how do I relieve my sexual tension without compromising my beliefs and myself? Marshall Marshall, rules make sense in context. One rule most people believe in is "Thou shalt not kill." However, if you must kill a man to defend your wife and children, most people would say you haven't violated the rule. If a robber breaks into your home, collects your valuables and asks if you have anymore money, most people would say it is okay to lie. Why? Because rules only make sense in context. Otherwise the person with the lower standard always gets to win. From society's point of view, marriage is the best possible context for sexuality to be expressed. Marriage attaches sex to love and a caring, committed relationship, and two people are present to raise the children. You don't believe in divorce, yet you have contemplated adultery. Why? Because something which belongs in your marriage is not there. "Keep thee only unto him" absolutely means don't cheat, but it does not mean "Don't let him have it either." Your wife will not honestly tell you what is on her mind, and you have suggested every possible solution. As a result, you are estranged from the person you should be most closely bonded to. It is time to apply your ideas about marriage and divorce to your current specific situation and decide what is right. Rules only make sense in context. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Inspirational - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Getting Unstuck According to the Buddhists, between January 29 and February 12 is the worst time of the year. "Don't start anything new during this ending period," they advise. Innocent Fun Just the other day, I escaped the business of my daily life and sought refuge on the water front here in Montreal in an attempt to recharge my energies.Taking advantage of a beautiful day, I walked along the long stretch of the Saint Lawrence River, as a way of my meditation routine. The Inspiration Factor The first thing that an aspiring leader must realize is that they must be inspiring! That is, they must be capable of, and willing to inspire people on to greater things than if the leader were not in their lives.So, is this too grandiose an ideal for the average local business owner? Absolutely not. Create Resistance or Creative Acceptance Resistance is not a new word, but for many of us awareness of resistance is new. In Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, resistance is defined: "to withstand, to strive against, to exert force in opposition, to counteract, defeat or frustrate. Healing The Abandonment Wounds I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. Every individual I've worked with has had some abandonment wound to heal, and most relationship problems stem from abandonment wounds. 3 Big Fat Lies that Deserve to Die Big Fat Lie 1: Your personality is formed and unchangeable by age 5 or 6Somehow we have accepted the idea that we are complete by age 5 or 6 because some "learned psychologist" said so.Recent research reveals, however, that our neocortex, the front part of our brain that is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, is still developing well into late adolescence. Life After Death: The Story of the Green Donkey This is the true story of what Deepak Chopra would call a "Whopper". It is a story so touched with the hand of God it seems almost impossible to believe, and yet, there can be NO doubt for those of us who are believers that this really happened!My best friend passed into Spirit on May 15, 2004 at the age of 45, after a 10 year battle with HER-2 Breast Cancer. Switch to a Better Channel! Peril, catastrophe and disaster.These are our friends, allies and mentors. The 5 Fortunes Within What could be nearer to us than our own selves. What could be a greater fortune to discover than our own love. How A Sense Of Wonder Makes Life Richer It always amazes me when I meet someone who has a disdain for expansion of knowledge.The other day, over lunch, I was arguing with a girl about a principle of abundance. What Company Does Your Business Keep? A man is known by the company he keeps. We have heard that phrase so many times. Ever Wondered Why Everyone Else is Moving On, Except You? "I attend courses, read books, listen to CD's, yet I am still not living the life I want to and am unhappy with the life I have. How can I have the life I want to have?"This is a surprisingly common dilemma. Planning for the Unexpected Unfortunately, most people fail to plan until it is too late. History tells us that for centuries humans have been witness to tragedies, and often times have been the victim of them. Money or Faith? I've been to 64-countries, and yes money comes in handy, and goes quickly (and is useful and has its influence), I've had a ton of it at one time or another and an ounce of faith, and I'll take faith any day-why? I'll explain. Anybody who has been in a combated zone, under fire will tell you: '?keep the money, I need faith right now. Inspiration From Other People - Is It Worth Listening To A Film Star? Yesterday, I listened to an interview with Michael York, the film star. I listened half-heartedly at first and then with fascination. Message From An Angel - Is It Yours ? This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate? Is it yours?Golden light shining in the darkness. Leaving The Child Behind. Recovery From Child Abuse I looked at my father for the last time before he was finally laid to rest. And I said to myself, "I forgive you father". The Fuel for Creative Vigor Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a special blend of imagination, inspiration, and knowledge. Whether the ordeal is like enduring a root canal or soaring on a cloud, depends on how upbeat you are. The HUGE Deposit of Diamond in You Something happened to me some years back that is worthy is sharing with everybody all over the world. When I started running my business, things were very tough for me to the point that I could hardly afford to have a dime on me. Your World Your Way - Trusting Yourself In Business "It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
