| |
| |
|
Leadership Information |
|
|
|
Evil, Hostile Grumpy Listeners? Think Again
I hated Kyle Sisk*. A notorious bully, Kyle punctuated my grade school years with misery. He would tease me about my weight, purposely rattle me with shocking language, delight in making me look foolish at every opportunity. Kyle had scary, penetrating eyes and sharp, jagged teeth that looked, appropriately, like fangs. He even had his own evil henchman named Eddie who would follow him everywhere, laughing a conspiratorial little laugh asking, "Heh, heh, what are we going to do next, Kyle? Heh, heh." (All Eddie was missing was a hump.) A typical encounter was the time I was walking home from school and Kyle and Eddie pounced from behind some bushes, grabbed my books and threw them in the mud. Even worse, they snatched my precious, brand new little purse and threw it into the branches of a tree, far out of reach. They then ran off cackling in triumph. I, purseless, limped home in tears. A Sad Reprieve This type of treatment continued all through grade school. I enjoyed the respite of summertime before we started at our new junior high school but September came and with it, my sense of dread at seeing Kyle again. I was given a reprieve, but an unwelcome one. That first week of school, my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack. I stayed home from school for about a week for the funeral and family visits. My first day back, the teachers wanted to take it easy on me so they gave me the coveted duty of going to each classroom and placing the absentee list on each teacher's desk. I felt special to be excused from class and was enjoying my rounds when I came to Mr. Lester's science class. I entered the room and my heart stopped. There, sitting right next to Mr. Lester's desk was Evil Incarnate himself, Kyle. There was no avoiding him--he had seen me come in--so I braced myself for whatever abuse he was no doubt preparing, but as I got closer I noticed that he didn't have his usual smug expression. He was looking down at his desk sheepishly. Very odd. As I lay the paper on the teacher's desk, Kyle looked up at me with big, soft eyes and in a timid, tentative voice said, "I'm sorry your old man croaked." A State of Shock I was stunned. Not from the inelegance of the sentiment, but rather from the realization that Kyle-even KYLE-had the capacity to feel and express compassion. "I'm sorry your old man croaked" wasn't exactly poetic, but to me it was the sweetest expression of kindness I had ever heard. It was in that moment that I realized that everyone, no matter how intimidating, has good in there somewhere. A Lesson for Speaking I think we need to remember this when we speak to our audiences. We look out and see grumpy frowns or intimidating scowls but even those listeners have hearts and the potential to connect with us. We might not be able to connect right away--maybe not ever--but just about everyone has that basic human spark of goodness through which we all connect. Besides, you've heard the old saying, "Behind every jerk is a sad story." We need to remember that the most intimidating, obnoxious audience members you will ever face most likely got to be that way because of pain. Looking back, Kyle's bullying no doubt stemmed from his miserable home life. His lashing out at me on the schoolyard is not much different than the heckler at a comedy club or a nit-picking critic at a presentation. Frustration, disappointment, powerlessness-they all lead to acting out, and as speakers we're sometimes on the receiving end. But no matter how bad the behavior, those difficult listeners in your audience still have the capacity to support you. I think we can foster their humanness by being the first to reach out in a spirit of openness and service. When we speak to serve, with a genuine desire to do good for our listeners, we increase the likelihood that their negative energy will diminish in favor of a positive connection. There's no guarantee that they will reach back to support us, and they may even keep up their offensive behavior, but let's at least allow for the possibility that they might not be as evil as we think. *Name has been changed to protect privacy About The Author Melissa Lewis turns traditional thinking about public speaking upside down to give people more comfort, confidence and charisma in front of groups. She is a former comic actress, a certified facilitator of SPEAKING CIRCLES( , president-elect of the National Speakers Association Kansas City Chapter and author of the soon-to-be-released book, Upside Down Speaking. For more information call (913) 341-1241 or visit www.upsidedownspeaking.com. melissa@upsidedownspeaking.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Leadership - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Managing Monsters in Meetings - Part 4, Quiet Participants There are many reasons why someone would decline to participate during a meeting. For example, the person may feel reluctant to speak out, may disagree with the approach endorsed by others in the meeting, or may just be tired. 8 Questions to Ask if You Want to be a Better Leader Those that have successfully made the transition from manager to leader have found the importance of continuously asking questions. Constantly receiving feedback from front line workers enables aleader to understand what is going right and where improvement is needed. 7 Awesome Leadership Power Generators! 7 Awe-Inspiring Leadership Power-Generating Strategies!Here's a really simple way you can use your personal infrastructure to increase your leadership power, create new innovative solutions and nurture your growth opportunities.Failing to invest in your power-producing abilities will definitely prevent you from realizing success on the job and rob your future career efforts of enjoyment. Beyond Authority: Debunking the Top 3 Leadership Myths Have you noticed that across the business world people are recognizing that we are fast outgrowing the thinking and language of hierarchy, but we're also struggling to create a new, more collaborative future? The challenge for all is to figure out how to operate in this emerging paradigm-the one that our own efforts are helping to shape.As I work with top leaders in organizations and then, independently, the staff they lead, I'm frequently struck by the gulf that occurs between the two in the early stages of change. Character Traits of Extraordinary Leaders When people make a decision (either consciously or unconsciously) to follow your leadership, they do it primarily because of one of two things: Your Character or your Skills. They want to know if you are the kind of person they want to follow and if you have the skills to take them further. Women in Leadership - How to Get Promoted It is often much harder for women to get promoted than men. The most common characteristic of successful women is that they know how to express their excellence in a male dominated environment. Secrets of Creating Success with Ease Do you ever strum your fingers on the desk top as you look down at your work and think, 'Right, how can I do all this lot without really working?'Brought up in an era with a cliché that went: 'You must work hard for a living' my attitude to work conflicted with what I'd learned from my elders and peers. I felt 'wrong' because I wanted to be lazy. Always Be Open To Learning "We should not only use all the brains we have, but all we can borrow." -Woodrow WilsonLeave it to a child to remind you of the importance of humility and the willingness to learn from everyone. Awaken the Leader in You: 10 Easy Steps To Develop Your Leadership Skills "The miracle power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance, under the promptings of a brave determined spirit." - Mark TwainMany motivational experts like to say that leaders are made, not born. The Compassion Paradox Effective leaders are comfortable with paradox. They can call on skills and work in ways that seem to be contradictory. Leadership and Power - Being the Boss Doesnt Guarantee Either of Them Some people mistakenly associate supervisory positions, or seats of power, with leadership. They presume that these two things are synonymous. Is Your Life Ready For Groundhog Day? In the hit comedic movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray's character, Phil Conners, is caught up in a time warp, doomed to live the same day over and over until he gets it right. Hilarious as the ensuing mayhem may be on the big screen, it is a poignant and not too thinly veiled metaphor for how most of us live our own lives - mindlessly occupied with our own issues and concerns, stumbling through life (often over the toes of others) with little if any conscious direction or critical thought. Character -- Why It Matters In Leaders "Character is much easier kept than recovered." -Thomas Paine"The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back. Leaders ARE; Are you? Identity CrisisIt's not only the knowledge you carry around in your head. More important to your effectiveness as a leader is your character - who you ARE. The Ten Commandments of Leadership A poem hangs on the wall at Mother Theresa's orphanage in India. For all who are called to lead, it is a great reminder of what we should do:1. Leadership for the Successful Entrepreneur! Why talk about leadership?"Leadership is important whether you a leader of a team or are a sole proprietor with no one working for you. Effective leadership is actually a way of thinking, a way to get things done. A Whack Up Long Side The Head Of Human Resources: The Leadership Imperative When we perceive the simple center in the seemingly complex, we can change our world in powerful new ways.Albert Einstein perceived the simple E=MC2 in the complexities of physical reality and changed the history of the 20th century. Cub Scout Leader Outdoor Experience Recently I attended Cub Scout Leader Outdoor Experience training. This was a 24 hour course starting Friday evening. Leadership - Push vs. Pull? At your next staff meeting consider leading your team through the following discussion.This lesson is focused on getting people to think in terms of effective leadership. Wanted: A Dictionary-Perfect Leader Answers are often before our very eyes or in front of our noses - particularly if we read the American Heritage Dictionary!Explore with me how some of the multitude of definitions for the word "leader" actually serve as a performance standard for leadership.Leaving behind the standard definition of "one who leads or guides", consider the second definition: "one who has power or influence".
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
