| |
| |
|
Positive Attitude Information |
|
|
|
Dispell Anger in 2 Simple Steps
"It really works!" "Well, I'll be?!" BJ like so many others in the workshop was astounded that a technique so simple could produce such an amazing result. You must try it. Next time your partner flares up in anger do this. In a very non-threatening calm and sincere tone of voice say... "You're really mad right now?" or "Something I did made you angry?" And watch the energy change. The anger dissipates almost like magic. A sense of relief replaces the intense emotion. Most every time acknowledging anger in a compassionate manner diffuses the emotion and a rational conversation can continue. It works for life and business partners, for parents of teenagers, employers and staff, and even customer service representatives fielding calls from enraged consumers. A word of caution, this technique is not to be used with the violent abuser, the rage-aholic, or a person under the influence of a mood altering substance. With this population this approach may well back fire and heighten the negative emotion instead of diffuse it. However, it works fantastically 99% of the time with those of us average folk who get frustrated and mad due to life's common stresses. Wait a minute though, we're not done yet, there are two important keys to this 'magic' that you must remember:
Tone of Voice: This is so critical. If you come across the least bit hurt, angry yourself, or sarcastic you dispel the magic. Your partner, friend, child or colleague will get defensive and the anger will not dissipate. Your tone must be calm, totally sincere, warm and kind. For it to be that way you have to feel that way. Not necessarily easy if you are experiencing elevated emotions yourself. Therefore this tactic generally works best right at the onset of a possible argument and not when one is already raging. So, the key here is act quickly, focus on remaining calm and genuinely feel for the other person. Verbally identify the Anger: Formulating the right words is not as crucial as coming across sincere and kindly. It is important that you verbally state the perceived emotion, in this case anger. You may choose to label it 'frustration' or say 'annoyed' instead of 'anger' which ever you feel fits best. The important thing is to identify it in a questioning manner. Yes, it must be a question and not a statement of fact. You must allow the other person to confirm your assumption. If you express your comment as a fact your partner, friend, child or colleague is liable to stay anger and put up more barriers instead of allowing them to crumble. Key here is to pose a brief question regarding the anger you perceive in such a manner that the other responds in the affirmative. "Yes I am" is accompanied or immediately followed by a sense of release and a rational conversation is once again possible. Where to go from here, well, that's for another discussion, for now just remember to stay calm and focused on the issue at hand and you'll do fine. Remember, life is short?ENJOY! Margrit Harris Margrit is a former Team Relationship Consultant for First Union Securities [now Wachovia], Morgan Stanley, and many small business owners and professionals. She was a marriage and family therapist for several years as well. Today Margrit offers free relationship advice on-line, writes articles for Horsesmouth [an on-line service for financial advisors] and makes money selling her Relationship Tests [called Awareness Tools]. Soon her Relationship Principles e-books [for Life and Business Partners] and other stuff to make bad relationships good and good relationships great will also be available at http://www.stratateam.com/WhyitWorks.asp
MORE RESOURCES:
Positive-Attitude - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Developing Self-Esteem It would be pretty hard to become successful without first developing your self-esteem. In fact, I can't think of one person who is very successful who has low self-esteem. 10 Tips to Cope with Negative Emotions at Work It's a fact of life - if you want to succeed in business, you need to know how to interact and communicate effectively with your employees, business partners, vendors, prospects, and customers. As a small business owner, this might involve rapid shifting from one type of language to another. Change Your Attitude, Change Your Life - Books to Help You Find the PMA Inside You Many of the books on this page were inspired by the late great Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, God rest his soul, who encouraged us all to have a PMA every day!Failing Forward John C. How to Stay Motivated Despite Negative People Getting motivated is sometimes easy enough to do, at least for short periods of time, but staying motivated can be a lot harder to do.And when you add into the mix the presence of negative people it is really not surprising that your motivation can fizzle out despite your best intentions. Winners vs Whiners It started out as a windy, rainy day. A tropical wave was moving through our area of the planet. How You Treat People Matters I encountered several interesting people that really taught me something. The first person was a man who works for Mc Donald in Thousand Oaks Mall. Are Your ANTs Taking Over Your Life? One of the first things that I work on with people having trouble with communication is to look at what and how they are communicating with themselves.It is very difficult to connect and communicate with others, if you are unable to connect and communicate with yourself. Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life I was always somebody who felt quite sorry for myself, what I had not got compared to my friends, how much of a struggle my life seemed to be compared to others. I was caught up in a web of negativity and needed someone or something to help me to escape. How to Have a Life of Satisfaction - Guaranteed! Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the promise, so you bought the product. You've been there! You ended up not liking it and decided to send it back. A Solution For Trouble? Try This Breath Of Fresh Air! I just heard the story of a man who hired a plumber to restore an old farmhouse. After he had finished a rough first day on the job he realized he had a flat tire which made him lose an hour of work; then his electric drill quit, and then his truck refused to start. Accepting Change Well I've finally done it.. Life as a Burden Vs. Live as a Privilege Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Is the glass half empty or half full?Here's one that I have been having some success with lately: Do you approach life and all it contains as a burden or as a privilege?As I've been learning recently, the burden-or-privilege view greatly influences your life for bad or for good.Let's take a look at how this choice can affect your liLife as a burdenA person with the burden view thinks and behaves like this:Approaches the daily tasks of life grudgingly. Adding Meaning To Your Life You got up today to go to work, to come home, to battle with the kids, to go to bed. Tomorrow, you'll do the same thing again. The Power Of AND Not Amen, just so we're clear on that.AND. Why You Want What You Cant Have "You can't always get what you want . . Aging Aging is a matter of the mind.The years may creep upon us, and the seasons come and go, but we all have a choice how we age in our mind and heart. Let Go of Resentment Maureen worked in an office with twenty other people, processing checks. She didn't particularly like her job, but she didn't particularly dislike it either. Get Out of Jail Free: How to Identify Unconscious Beliefs Know thyself.These words were inscribed in the vestibule of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. Positive Affirmations Never used 'em. Not likely to start now. Why Do Some Affirmations *Work* - and Others Dont? By definition,an affirmation is a statement repeated time and again either verbally or mentally-or written down. The words of the affirmation statement - in themselves -when spoken, thought of, or written *without* a pictorial (visualized) or emotional connection- make a very weak affirmation.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
